Birthday Blues..

So, my birthday is Saturday. I wish I could be happy about it.

Got bad news today....

my grampy is in the hospital, and he's not expected to make it much longer. They can't say days, or what, because the damage to his lungs is just too great.

I'm devastated. I don't know what to do with myself. I spent every day of my life, until I was 16 with my nanny and grampy, because my mom worked so much to pay bills to support me and my sister.

My favorite memories of my grampy, are sitting on the floor in the kitchen, in front my my grampy's favorite spot to sit, building castles out of the canned goods that were in the cupboard next to his chair.
My grampy would always share his favorite coffee ice cream with me, and his favorite maple leaf cookies.
We also shared a love of cucumbers. He would always buy me cucumbers, and even now, I grow cucumbers, and I send them to him.

my grampy is my rock. How quiet he would sit, until he had something smart -ass or witty to say. How much my girls love to go visit him, and see if he has any treats for them, which he always did.

How can I prepare myself, to not have one of the most important men in my life taken away?

Please God. I'm not ready.