Oh. My. Freaking. God.
What a long week. I really feel like I am going to go postal on someone soon.
getting up everynight at 3, and then up at 5:30 for the day with kids is really tiring. Kids who are sick, and constantly whining, and screaming, on top of being tired makes it harder. Feeling like an overworked housekeeper who hasn't had a break in 3 weeks?? Exhausting.
In the last week I have managed to have a total of about 15 minutes to myself. all in the shower.
Not only does this house have to be kept immaculate at all times, but I am also resonsible for the laundry, and dinner every night.
My mothering to my children might as well be non-existant, because everything I say to my kids is overruled by Erik's mom.
I don't dare say anything. I don't dare ask for a break. I just hope I can make it to December 11th, when Erik comes home for Christmas.
Only 12 more sleeps.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Moved...sorta....
So, here I am, writing from my mother in laws laptop, awaiting some type of internet connection in my room.
The big move was supposed to have happened today, but the first big hurdle was the snow storm we had over night. The second big hurdle, was the fact that my asshole sister was supposed to have come up to pick up the large items we had for her, but she decided to not even rent the truck, so, now I have a few of the items listed on Kijiji to sell.
Her deciding not to come threw a huge loop in the plans for the day. We had to rent a truck today for tomorrow, and now we are looking for a few hands tomorrow to help with a few larger pieces, mainly my washer, and my wall unit.
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, I can tell ya that. Hopefully, everything makes it to my storage place, and our bodies (mainly our backs) are relatively unhurt. One way or another, we gotta get moved.
The big move was supposed to have happened today, but the first big hurdle was the snow storm we had over night. The second big hurdle, was the fact that my asshole sister was supposed to have come up to pick up the large items we had for her, but she decided to not even rent the truck, so, now I have a few of the items listed on Kijiji to sell.
Her deciding not to come threw a huge loop in the plans for the day. We had to rent a truck today for tomorrow, and now we are looking for a few hands tomorrow to help with a few larger pieces, mainly my washer, and my wall unit.
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day, I can tell ya that. Hopefully, everything makes it to my storage place, and our bodies (mainly our backs) are relatively unhurt. One way or another, we gotta get moved.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The big move is upon us...
Saturday.
Thats when its alllll goin down, the move that is.
The majority of all of the small stuff is gone already to his moms house, and to storage.
Tomorrow evening we are moving the girls' beds, the girls' fish bowl, and my desk and computer, possibly both of the tv's., and any of the left over small stuff, groceries, etc.
Saturday morning we are going to move all of our large items.
My sister is making out like a bandit here Saturday. I'm giving her both of my love seats, 2 dressers, 2 single beds, dishes, an entertainment stand.
Once we know where Erik is going to be posted, we are going to buy a new living room set, and possibly, new chairs to my grandmothers dining room table.
Erik is doing well away...he's doing alot of physical training, and alot of simulation stuff. He hasn't had access to "civi" clothing in 2 weeks now. He still phones everynight, and all is well for him. He will be hone in 19 days for christmas vacation.
I will post again as soon as I can get a connection to the net.
Thats when its alllll goin down, the move that is.
The majority of all of the small stuff is gone already to his moms house, and to storage.
Tomorrow evening we are moving the girls' beds, the girls' fish bowl, and my desk and computer, possibly both of the tv's., and any of the left over small stuff, groceries, etc.
Saturday morning we are going to move all of our large items.
My sister is making out like a bandit here Saturday. I'm giving her both of my love seats, 2 dressers, 2 single beds, dishes, an entertainment stand.
Once we know where Erik is going to be posted, we are going to buy a new living room set, and possibly, new chairs to my grandmothers dining room table.
Erik is doing well away...he's doing alot of physical training, and alot of simulation stuff. He hasn't had access to "civi" clothing in 2 weeks now. He still phones everynight, and all is well for him. He will be hone in 19 days for christmas vacation.
I will post again as soon as I can get a connection to the net.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I feel like a rollercoaster is inside of me...
Remembrance Day yesterday here, and Veterans Day for the US folk.
What a terribly hard day for me.
I went with my mother in law and father in law, as well s the kids, downtown to see the placing of the wreaths at the cenitaph, as well as the parade of soldiers, RCMP, city police, and veterans.
It was absolutely breath taking. Seeing all of those who fight for our country, as well as our city marching past in their battle dress, as well as seeing all of the people who came to pay respect to these men and women who are here presently to fight, and who came to honor those who have fought and fallen.
Knowing where Erik is, and what he is in training to do, seeing these men and women marching past put things into a hole new perspective for me. It was such an emotional rollercoaster for me, to watch those soliders march past. Grief washed over me, grief like I have never felt before. I felt the grief of every military mom and wife who have ever lost someone in battle. I felt anger, anger at all of the lifes that had been taken so unneccesarily.
I also felt pain. The biggest pain I have ever felt. Of loneliness, and of heartbreak. Pain from fear, and pain from uncertainty.
Yesterday marked day 3 of Erik being gone, and it was the absolute worst day emotionally for me. I knew that I was going to break down at some point yesterday. I knew I jad to hold it together until Erik phoned, because if he sensed the slighted bit of despair in my voice, he would leave everything in a heartbeat, just so that I would not hurt for him anymore.
And then it came.
He phoned.
We talked for 5 minutes, and then he was gone. I don't know when I will hear from him again.
After I hung up the phone, the tears came. The most painful tears I have ever cried. I would not wish the pain that I have right now on my worst enemy. To go from being with him everyday, and having him next to me at night, the good night kisses, all the sweet "I love you's", and even the smell of him (or his favorite deodorant), to being alone day in and day out, not knowing when I will hear his voice again. Knowing that I will go to bed alone, in my big bed, with no one to curl up with when I have a bad dream, having no one whisper I love you to me before I close my eyes, having no one to kiss goodnight, is the worst pain I have ever felt.
To hear his voice for only 5 minutes, and hearing in his voice how exhausted he is, and how much he is going through for the safety and security of our family is also heartbreaking.
To have the love of my life so far away, and not knowing the smallest details of how his days are, is terrifying to me.
I am counting down the longest days of my life, until he comes home for the best 3 weeks I will ever have with him. He will be flying home on December 11th for christmas vacation, to leave again January 4th.
Until December 11th, I will be strong. I will try to hold my head up, and face each day with new eyes, and make the best of where I am and what I have to do each day. I will do whats best for my girls, and make sure they get through each day.
But I can tell you one thing. I will never again take for granted the time I have with my husband, and my children. So often we just go through the motions of life, the day to day things, without really paying attention to what we have right in front of us. Sometimes, you dont realize what you really have until its gone, even for just a short period of time. I am learning the hard way to embrace each and every single day, as if it is my last.
But, as strange as it sounds, I would not change a thing. Everyday is new to me, and I am pushing my own personal boundaries and limits. I know that I can do things on my own, and that what I am going through wont last forever.
Today is a new day.
What a terribly hard day for me.
I went with my mother in law and father in law, as well s the kids, downtown to see the placing of the wreaths at the cenitaph, as well as the parade of soldiers, RCMP, city police, and veterans.
It was absolutely breath taking. Seeing all of those who fight for our country, as well as our city marching past in their battle dress, as well as seeing all of the people who came to pay respect to these men and women who are here presently to fight, and who came to honor those who have fought and fallen.
Knowing where Erik is, and what he is in training to do, seeing these men and women marching past put things into a hole new perspective for me. It was such an emotional rollercoaster for me, to watch those soliders march past. Grief washed over me, grief like I have never felt before. I felt the grief of every military mom and wife who have ever lost someone in battle. I felt anger, anger at all of the lifes that had been taken so unneccesarily.
I also felt pain. The biggest pain I have ever felt. Of loneliness, and of heartbreak. Pain from fear, and pain from uncertainty.
Yesterday marked day 3 of Erik being gone, and it was the absolute worst day emotionally for me. I knew that I was going to break down at some point yesterday. I knew I jad to hold it together until Erik phoned, because if he sensed the slighted bit of despair in my voice, he would leave everything in a heartbeat, just so that I would not hurt for him anymore.
And then it came.
He phoned.
We talked for 5 minutes, and then he was gone. I don't know when I will hear from him again.
After I hung up the phone, the tears came. The most painful tears I have ever cried. I would not wish the pain that I have right now on my worst enemy. To go from being with him everyday, and having him next to me at night, the good night kisses, all the sweet "I love you's", and even the smell of him (or his favorite deodorant), to being alone day in and day out, not knowing when I will hear his voice again. Knowing that I will go to bed alone, in my big bed, with no one to curl up with when I have a bad dream, having no one whisper I love you to me before I close my eyes, having no one to kiss goodnight, is the worst pain I have ever felt.
To hear his voice for only 5 minutes, and hearing in his voice how exhausted he is, and how much he is going through for the safety and security of our family is also heartbreaking.
To have the love of my life so far away, and not knowing the smallest details of how his days are, is terrifying to me.
I am counting down the longest days of my life, until he comes home for the best 3 weeks I will ever have with him. He will be flying home on December 11th for christmas vacation, to leave again January 4th.
Until December 11th, I will be strong. I will try to hold my head up, and face each day with new eyes, and make the best of where I am and what I have to do each day. I will do whats best for my girls, and make sure they get through each day.
But I can tell you one thing. I will never again take for granted the time I have with my husband, and my children. So often we just go through the motions of life, the day to day things, without really paying attention to what we have right in front of us. Sometimes, you dont realize what you really have until its gone, even for just a short period of time. I am learning the hard way to embrace each and every single day, as if it is my last.
But, as strange as it sounds, I would not change a thing. Everyday is new to me, and I am pushing my own personal boundaries and limits. I know that I can do things on my own, and that what I am going through wont last forever.
Today is a new day.
Monday, November 10, 2008
day 1 down, 4 weeks, 6 days to go.....
until I see my husband again.
He left at 4:00 am Sunday morning to go to basic training, as Private-Recruit Erik Chiasson. It was one of the hardest days of my life. He asked me to not get out of bed to see him off, it would be too hard. So, before he left, he came in, and said his goodbyes, as I fought back the tears that were welling up.
Now, according to my mom, who was in the living room when he left, Erik said to her " damn, I miss my girls already" , before he went outside.
He phoned me a few times from the airport in Montreal, while he was waiting for his bus to the CFLRS, and he seemed in good spirits. The last I heard from him was at 2pm yesterday, and he only wanted to tell me that he had just paid 15$ for a meal at burger king.
Funny, I just got off the phone with Erik as I was typing this. He is doing well. His room is on the 11th floor of a 12 storey building. NO elevators. He sounded good, but tired. I hope he gets the chance to call home each night, if he is permitted to.
Today wasn't too bad. Went for a walk with the kids, and did some more packing. Mom went home on the bus tonight, and my friend went home to Saint John until Wednesday. Tonight is my first night home alone with the kids. I hope they sleep all night! Momma could use a good sleep.
On the schedule for tomorrow are the remembrance day services downtown. I'm going with my mother in law and father in law, as well as with the kids. Should be a good day out. We will see what tomorrow brings.
He left at 4:00 am Sunday morning to go to basic training, as Private-Recruit Erik Chiasson. It was one of the hardest days of my life. He asked me to not get out of bed to see him off, it would be too hard. So, before he left, he came in, and said his goodbyes, as I fought back the tears that were welling up.
Now, according to my mom, who was in the living room when he left, Erik said to her " damn, I miss my girls already" , before he went outside.
He phoned me a few times from the airport in Montreal, while he was waiting for his bus to the CFLRS, and he seemed in good spirits. The last I heard from him was at 2pm yesterday, and he only wanted to tell me that he had just paid 15$ for a meal at burger king.
Funny, I just got off the phone with Erik as I was typing this. He is doing well. His room is on the 11th floor of a 12 storey building. NO elevators. He sounded good, but tired. I hope he gets the chance to call home each night, if he is permitted to.
Today wasn't too bad. Went for a walk with the kids, and did some more packing. Mom went home on the bus tonight, and my friend went home to Saint John until Wednesday. Tonight is my first night home alone with the kids. I hope they sleep all night! Momma could use a good sleep.
On the schedule for tomorrow are the remembrance day services downtown. I'm going with my mother in law and father in law, as well as with the kids. Should be a good day out. We will see what tomorrow brings.
Monday, November 3, 2008
The world as I know it is about to change.....drastically.
Erik is leaving this Sunday.
He recieved his military offer, and has decided to take it. So, this Sunday, he will be leaving for St. Jean, Quebec, for the first 5 weeks of his training. He will be home for 3 weeks for christmas, and then he goes back, until the end of February.
There is so much to do, and so many changes ahead, that I really don't know where to start.
I have an entire house to pack, as we have decided that it would be best for me, as well as the kids, to be close to family while he is gone, and we are going to go and live with his mom and dad. So, I have the house to pack, and kids to keep, and a husband to get get packed up and shipped out.
Sigh.....what an emotional rollercoaster this week has been and will be.
Need to get a storage place, get things moved to there, stuff moved to my mother in laws house, man, I hate moving!!! But, I know this is the best decision for us, as we don't know where we will be going in 5 months for his posting.
Good News Alert!!!!
We bought a new car!!!!!
Well, not brand new, but new to us.
A 2003 Pontiac Grand Am. Its black, 4 door, automatic, and fully loaded!!! I am SO FREAKING HAPPY!!!!!!
I can't wait to get my liscense in the next month or so!!! I have my first car!!!!!!!
Anyway...that's all I got for now. Please direct any good vibes my way..I could sure use the chat, or the thoughts:)
He recieved his military offer, and has decided to take it. So, this Sunday, he will be leaving for St. Jean, Quebec, for the first 5 weeks of his training. He will be home for 3 weeks for christmas, and then he goes back, until the end of February.
There is so much to do, and so many changes ahead, that I really don't know where to start.
I have an entire house to pack, as we have decided that it would be best for me, as well as the kids, to be close to family while he is gone, and we are going to go and live with his mom and dad. So, I have the house to pack, and kids to keep, and a husband to get get packed up and shipped out.
Sigh.....what an emotional rollercoaster this week has been and will be.
Need to get a storage place, get things moved to there, stuff moved to my mother in laws house, man, I hate moving!!! But, I know this is the best decision for us, as we don't know where we will be going in 5 months for his posting.
Good News Alert!!!!
We bought a new car!!!!!
Well, not brand new, but new to us.
A 2003 Pontiac Grand Am. Its black, 4 door, automatic, and fully loaded!!! I am SO FREAKING HAPPY!!!!!!
I can't wait to get my liscense in the next month or so!!! I have my first car!!!!!!!
Anyway...that's all I got for now. Please direct any good vibes my way..I could sure use the chat, or the thoughts:)
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