All is said and done

What a terribly hard week this has been. But at the same time, it has been a beautiful week, full of tears, and full of laughter. Stories, some good, some bad, but all in all, it was a wonderful week, and I wouldn't change a thing.



Monday afternoon, we headed to Saint John, to see family that has started to trickle in Since my nanny passed away, June 1st. We spent the afternoon with my cousin Brian, his wife, Kris-Ann, and their kids, Grace and Evan. later that evening, my Cousin Richard, his wife, Kim, and their kids Devon and Jamie came over, and we had a few good laughs catching up with each other.



We headed home to Fredericton around 8 that night, and arrived in Fredericton at 11 pm.

Tuesday, we packed up early, and headed home to Saint John again, stopping to drop the kids at my moms, before heading to the funeral home for the family only visitation.

Without going into too many gory details, I'll just say that my nanny looked so at peace, in such a restful state. She looked as though the demons that had been eating away at her were ripped away, and left the nanny that I remember, in a peaceful, eternal slumber.

We drove home to Fredericton again, Tuesdany night, and got here around 11 pm.

Wednesday, we were in Saint john by noon, and this time, we packed for the night. We took my mom to the afternoon visitation, and my sister to the evening visitation. Those visitations seemed a bit easier for me. Not too many tears shed, but alot of funny nanny stories were told, and alot of memories were shared.

Thursday morning we were at the funeral home early for the funeral, which begain at 11. All fo the grandchildren carried flowers for each of us, and our children, and my dad, uncle and aunts flowers for themselves. they were all placed into a large vase, and my nannys husband placed a single lily at the end into the vase, for them. Reality started to sink in during the funeral, that I would not see my nanny again.

The hardest part of the day for me, was following her casket out fo the chapel, and watch as my cousins lifted her into the hearse. The only bouquet of flowers that were left on her casket, were the purple tulips I had placed on the top.

We followed the hearse to the cemetery, which was about 10 minutes from the chapel, on the other side of town. All i could do the entire way was cry, in pain, in sorrow, in sadness. I cried from the respect of other drivers, pulled over to a stop in respect for the dead passing by, I cried thinking about how she loved purple flowers. I. Cried.

At the cemetery, the ceremony was short and sweet. I held onto my aunt rhonda's hand so tight. I couldn't face the cemetery alone. Even though my husband was with me thorugh all of this, I needed my family. I cried like I have never cried in my life, wishing I could hear her voice one last time. To see her smile, or to hear her laugh.

We all placed our flowers from the ase at the funeral on her casket, as they lowered her down. We kissed her casket. Said the final goodbye.

But yet, I felt so guilty leaving her there all alone. I know that thats only her earthly remains, and I do find comfort in knowing that she is at peace, and in no more pain. But part of me, didn't want to leave her there.

Thats all I have in me to write at the moment, but will write again soon.