5 days....

We leave for Quebec in 5 days!!!

We can see Erik for 3 hours on Wednesday night, and his big graduation is on Thursday at 2pm.

I
Can't
Wait!!!!!

I'm excited to see the big production that is graduation, the parade, the soldiers in their parade dress. I know there will be alot of tears that day, as the pride pours through. I will also be crying tears of relief, that we made it through being apart for 3 months, and we will finally be all together again.

I'm looking forward to living in our own space again, on our own, with no outside interference. Don't get me wrong, I love my in laws, and I love my mom, but sometimes, having their input on every...little...thing can make you want to scream. This has really been the hardest few months of my life, but surprisingly, the majority of it has not been from my kids, the majority of the stress and anxiety has been due to input from family, from stuff like finances, to who I can have as freinds, and in general being made to feel like I need to prove my worth everyday.

For alot of the time Erik has been away, I have been made to feel like I don't deserve to have the husband that I have, the life that i have, or the support that I have from friends and family. I have been made to feel like nothnig I ever do or say will ever bee good enough, and for the most part, like I'm not good enough to be part of the family.

But, I know that God puts people together with who they are ment to be with. When you marry, he separates you from your family, so that you and your loved one can create a hole new family, and in the end, how his family see's me doesn't matter.

I am working on being able to speak up about these kinds of things, and I am learning how to better control how I let other make me feel, and how to not let them interfere with my emotions.

I have learned that when its ment to be, love can sustain you for no matter how long you are apart. That not having him here every night isn't punishment, its a blessing in disguise. Having him here with me every night is a blessing, and I can't wait for him to be home.

Our girls mark off each day on the calendar until we leave for his graduation. Tiana asks me constantly how much longer until we go get daddy. They keep reminding me that they need to take their " daddy bears", and that they're going to sleep in a hotel on an adventure.

5. More. days!!!