Why I hate the Military.

So. Here we are, 2 days before Were supposed to leave to pick up Erik from training in Quebec.

Friday, Erik phones, and begs me not to be upset, so I knew it was something bad.

They tell him Friday, that he is going to have to report to Borden, Ontario for a short training program after graduation, before he goes to his posting. Their idea of short is " I don't know, anywhere from 3-9 months".

Fuck you Military.

We were told from the beginning, that where Erik has been settled into a trade for 6 years, and the last 2 of those years being a civilian working on Military vehicles, he required no furhter training after his BMQ course, which he finishes this week.

Yea, this is the part where I get " the military is unpredictable, you never know what to expect, you should have known that this was going to happen, it was a possibility" shoved down my throat from countless people.

From the beginning, from his sargeants, from his petty officers, even from the Warrant Officer, he was told that he would go directly to his posting. Everyone in his entire platoon have recieved offical posting orders, they all recieved them about 2 weeks ago, but Erik still has no clue whats going on.

What pisses me off to no extent is the fact that were being treated as his family as if we do not exist, while other platoon members of his that are all going through divorces, are all being given compassionate leave before repoting to their postings to take care of "family" issues. Erik was told that He would not be given time to see his family.

The next thing that pisses me off, is being told by almos teveryone I know that its wrong for me to want my husband home. That I am going to take his dreams from him if he comes home. That I wouldn't be a good wife if I allowed him to leave training so close to the end, because I can't deal with him being gone.

I can deal with him being gone. I can't deal with my children not getting to see their father. I can't deal with the fact that he has just missed out on the last 3 months of their lives....their bedtime stories, their growth, their laughter, and now hes going to miss posibly the next 9 months as well??

I'm expected to be ok with this because they want to add an additional $5000 to his signing bonus. Big deal. Are they going to give him back the last year of his kids lives that he missed?? And further more, are they going to provide the marriage counselling that we will need after having been apart for a year??

This is the part where I get the part from one of my last posts shoved down my throat about love being able to withstand distance. Yea, it can. I never said that I would stop loving my husband if he went. But can anyone who hasn't been through this honestly be able to say that after not seeing your husband for a year, that you would just be able to have things go back to normal as if he never left?

For the last 3 months, every phone call he has made home, every letter he has sent, in not one has he asked how I was, or our children. He always speaks of what he has done that day, who he hangs out with, his trips to Montreal on weekends and such. How can people sit there and judge me for questioning the stability of my marriage, and the ability of our marriage to survive another training course, if you have never felt as emotionally abandoned as I have been feeling??Since he has been gone, I have watched (through photo's), and listended to him turn into a completely different man than I knew before he left, and even still, I feel like I barely knew the man he was before he left. People expect me to be ok when Erik comes home from this, as if nothing happened and I don't know if that will happen. Only time will tell I guess.

This is all so frustrating, and after an entire weekend of being told that this all has NOTHING to do with me or my kids, and being told that I don't exist right now, I am about ready to go Postal.

Basically, everything he has done so far, ON HIS CHOICE, rides on the information he recieves today. I would not ask him to give up his dreams of serving in the military, but if he considers this, its on his own personal choice. He has come so far, and If he decides that its not worth it, its his decision.

Even tho I say this, I know everyone will in turn blame me for him quitting if he does decide to go home. Everyone will say that I made it too hard on him, that I didn't support him, bal bla bla....which is all bullshit.

He will even tell everyone that, because god knows, when he was freaking out about facing a 40 foot high cage that he has to climb, go across, and go down the other side, it was me that encouraged him that he could do it, that it was one less hurdle for him, and that he would laugh about it in the end.

But no one listens to the little things that you help people through, they only focus on the bigger fails.

So call me a horrible wife, tell me that I'm being rediculous for thinking and feeling the way I do, but until you have personally gone through it with children in tow, things change. I'm not feeling the way I do for me. I'm feeling the way I feel for my children.

No one particularily cares on how I feel personally, nor do I, but I will protect the feelings of my girls.

This is all so tiring, so frustrating. I have cried more this weekend than I have in the last few years of my life. I have made decisions and changed them more this weekend than I have in my life.

So come on world, bring it on today. It can't get worse than this weekend has been.

Quebec in 2 days.